Conversations in the Sheraton canteen

Sheraton staff canteen - a large sunny room with chairs and tables in bright red and white. There is an array of wonderful food, and a few blobs of human flesh who collect their livelyhood here every month.

"Hi", the new comer lands the flying saucer on it's red checked resting place, and a few adventurous laps of hot tea escape overboard.
"Hi, you new then?"
"Yeh."
"Welcome, to the pits."
"Oh, we thought it's been great so far..."
"What do you think of the uniforms then? Bloody awful, sack of potatoes if you ask me, you'd think they'd have thought something else up." The old timer - about 5 months on the job - like most of the Sheraton staff, is Scottish, with a dialectical twang and a limited vocabulary.
"well actually the uniforms are a little unflattering."
"yeh, bloody right. Got ya self a drop of tea then did ya? It's terrible tea her, but the coffee's worse. What can you do hey?"
"Tea's tea, isn't it?"
"cold here, careful of the meat too, salmanella."
"What!" Shock, horror.
"The food, it's not too fresh, we get the left overs."
"At least it doesn't go to waste."
"Nothing goes to waste here. You at the staff house then?"
"Yes."
"what room number?"
"39"
"Oh hell, with Barbara, she's mental - no really she's a good laughis Barbara she is."
"When do they change the bedding?"
"Every two weeks - if you're lucky."
"What do you mean?"
"Well you have to be home to do it. SO if laundrey day isn't on your day off your fucked."
"Oh no!" Newby says, the muscles in her face slowly sliding downhill under the weight of knowledge, probably in the contract - small German print.
"Don't worry you can take bedding from the hotel."
"Great."
"Just don't get caught. They don't mind, so long as you don't get caught."
"Oh."
"And any road, they cannee check ya bag withoot a member of the union there and a policeman."
"Oh."
"Yeh, lots of people take stuff home - why not hey? I sent my folks two super Sheraton bathrobes - shmashing they was."
"Don't they notice the stuff missing?"
"Not really. The Sheraton's shampoo's good but give the conditioner a miss."
"What time do we finish work?"
"You're supposed to finish at 4pm, but if you finish early just come down her for a cuppa, what ever you do don't go near the housekeeper's office before 4pm or she'll give you more rooms to do."
"How do you manage to do 16 rooms a day>"
"Ya, just got to learn what to miss out, how to skim, and what each Housedamen looks for, like
Alan is a crome man, Marie is funny about hairs on the floor."
"The bath takes so long to do."
"Well just clean the ring and take the hairs out."
"Yuk, and I can't believe we are supposed to use the previous guest's facecloth."
"Oh, well I'll be off then, see you in a wee bit."
"Where can we get cold drinks?"
"From a machine in the hall, come on. I'll show you how to get one out without paying."